i've thought a lot about bad people, and i'm not so sure why but it doesn't really change a whole lot in my head when i do anymore. i think i just want to try and make something as vague and loaded as the concept of evil into something that makes sense, which is fruitless.

Someone who I think has gone through a whole lot of shit in their life told me a while ago that 1/6 trannies are pretty vile people. Just awful, shitty, horrible people, usually showing itself in egotistical folks, rapey energy, lying and manipulation, etcetera. I didn't think hard about it for the longest time, but honestly at this point after having met so many folx and seeing how much suffering we cause each other I get where they're coming from.

I'm scared of a lot of people. "Scared" isn't the right word either, it's more that I'm hesitant. I can hardly build any relationship with a cishet person because I've already blown out my interests and mannerisms to degrees that only queer folx can understand, and even then there's this extra layer of shit you need to sift through for me to feel comfortable being alone in a room with you. There's anxiety concentrate - and that 1/6 number -- and those experiences I've had with other queers as well as what I've seen in other people. People aren't evil. I don't hold hate for anyone, reality already makes little enough sense that trying to apply some hate method to my black box would probably just be frustrating.

Cis folx can be terrible. Those people still wholely inside get jealous easily, ingrained with archaic concepts of role fulfillment, blinded by blood and legacy. But they're not in control. They were write locked by capital automata and societal norm after getting their brains baked to be perfect little bricks in the wall.

Trannies vary. I'm speaking on trans people my age or a bit below, older gen trans folx are another interesting topic that I don't have the brain power to get into right now. They'd probably fill out another bullet here, though. There's a gradient to this all too, My only goal is to mark vague traits and typical thoughts on a line from hinged to unhinged.

• Queers and trannies who grew up with loving parents, in middle class households where their greatest hardship was getting misgendered in high school. They're pretty binary brained, pretty mono, pretty vanilla. These folx care too much about their labels, whether its mental illnesses or gender dichotomies or status. I've met some insufferable trans folx who grew up rich, who are completely integrated into their class culture and normative culture. These folx stress me out.

• Queers and trannies who went through a lot of shit. I think most trans folx I know grew up pretty fucked. Little to no solace found in the meatspace, usually relying on the wired to fill that space in the soul. Lots of mental fuckery, and outside societal norms for the most part. They're still hanging onto labels, the ones based in psychology. Neurodivergence, mental illnesses, mental disorders. I hold nothing but sympathy, but despise the filed of psychology as a whole. They can shed the labels. You don't need the capital automata's fleeting imposition of reality, you can create your own. Only some trannies that've gone through shit understand that.

I think I cling onto that concept of "hardship" a bit too much, because ultimately it's based on some standard for life "difficulty" that has some merit to it but is a bit oversimplistic. Humans all go through things that're difficult to them. Some humans go through things that stray from the universal greatly and end up making them way more tuned with the outside. The hardship shit also always comes off as a dick measuring contest too, which I detest.

I was born with spina bifida. I'm permanently wheelchair bound. I grew up a nazi, whiplashed into a commie, and then settled into a paranoid anarchism. I have a hard time feeling like I have a self. My brain is plagued into a mindset entirely concerned with truth and power (ty foucault <3). I've hurt people that care about me, and holy fuck I am so fucking sensitive to anything that comes off as manipulative. I went on a drug bender that landed me in the hospital for a month and blood thinners + compression socks for life after getting fucked with for months by people who I trusted with my life. My expected lifespan is somewhere in the 40s or earlier. I think it's fair to say I've gone through some shit, but again, no emphasis on a dick measuring contest.

People infantilize me a lot since I'm a wheelchair fag, which is nice because I get away with a lot of shit. I'm not very intimidating, which helps me not get super stressed because people just tend to be trusting and I can be super forward as a result. I'm surprisingly mentally stable, and have a values system that denies me the timeline where I ever rope. Shits fucked but god do I love trying to make the most of it !!!