"Knowing must therefore be accompanied by an equal capacity to forget knowing. Non-knowing is not a for of ignorance but a difficult transcendence of knowledge. This is the price that must be paid for a oeuvre to be, at all times, a sort of pure beginning, which makes its creation an exercise in freedom."
Bachelard, quoting Jean Lescure (I haven't read these fags :p)
A::[Ugh. Knowing, not knowing, thinking, not thinking, overthinking, not thinking enough.]
A::[I have a lot of trouble talking to people, and I think an issue with it is that I'm trying to overanalyze the process involved in conversation. Part of that is in wanting to get (::["yearning for"]?) a high-resolution map of this process so I can poke at many aspects of it and see if something is loose, if I can find something that will help me in talking to people, or at the very minimum cross out all the potential avenues and find myself stuck again.]
A<->C::[You're intellectualizing, Ames. There's more going on. You're down reeeeal bad for this girl thing.]
Z::["But the outside is transcendentally, not empirically, exterior: it's already inside you - there is no inside, that's the Horror..."]
Affirm (◕ᴗ◕✿)
A->B::[Anyways, lets overanalyze this. I'm gonna try thinking in a few different ways, like it or don't.]
B::[There's many things to consider, and equally important is the method of analyzing these things. I'd like to build out angles in communication that I can perceive, lay each of them out with several differentials to consider not as concepts but as data, and then use all these deltas to constitute an Idea of what I mean. All of these differentials will be marked D.]
D::[Time. In verbal communication, usually some time is designated for one person to speak, and then the other person responds: it's rather synchronous, and sequential. Over the wire, parties can communicate their thoughts at the same time, and then asynchronously read the messages of others (albeit still sequential, but multiplied). In flesh, events "fade" as memories, though maintain a habitual change in us. The wires usually maintain a much more discrete log of the events transpired. The world demands our time, demands it to be allocated, and asynchronous spaces accommodate to that.]
D<->C::[What's going on in that time? I look at the clock and hours have passed, have I really been talking to it so long? I get the urge to comm again, has it only been 15 minutes since the last message? It lingers under my skin, I can cope about the time spent to dismiss the feelings, but it's inside me. Even when we're not talking, some time gets being spent thinking about it, a one-sided conversation. I'll retrace the conversations again. Time passes without a feeling of being seen, and I feel fine about it, and I feel worried about it. These events all fold into my flesh, and I'm experiencing it all at once. When its all folded in, the sequence is of secondary importance to what has, is, and will transpire, but I'll only ever continue to experience sequentially.]
Z::[A vibro-knife plunged into the sternum, still. The only thing moving is time, the wound is intensively felt, and a phantasmic trace of events mark its continual propogation. A still slicing, a temporal scarring.]
Affirm (◕ᴗ◕✿)
D::[Space. Through what medium does the communication travel? Verbal communication uses sounds, and can include onomatopoeia, as well as variation in pitches and tones of voice that embed with it social cues. Typing is primarily bound to the wire, engages in the form of writing, and can include the use of emoticons, images/memes, links to virtual spaces. Typing can also include metadata (like tone tags) to help accentuate the messages themselves, but they all amount to parts, all added to the database of possible configurations and assemblies.]
D<->C::[Where the fuck do I start and end? I write or type or giggle, and it takes up space—shared space. A presence, flesh::wire::otherwise, demands it be seen, demands it exist, demands it violate all that perceives it, and is violated in turn. There are intensities: I ramble in 10000 LOC and out 100000 gasps, taps, bites, lines, words, sounds, thoughts, things. Signifying chains are exchanged, codes intertwined, mixed up, the words "I" tell her grace "my" own body, but a body disassembled, a girlfriend-without-organs.]
Z::["I want to have my throat slashed while violating the girl to whom I will have been able to say: you are the night. \ The Sun exclusively loves the Night and directs its luminous violence, its ignoble shaft, toward the earth, but finds itself incapable of reaching the gaze or the night, even though the nocturnal terrestrial expanses head continuously toward the indecency of the solar ray. \ The solar annulus is the intact anus of her body at eighteen years to which nothing sufficiently blinding can be compared except the sun, even though the anus is night." - Bataille, The Solar Anus]
Affirm (◕ᴗ◕✿)
D::[Congruence. Congruence requires two objects to compare against. Does communication hold congruencies? Seemingly depends. What if one person is talking, and the other typing? One venting and the other holding? One speaking, the other listening? One in Spanish, another Russian? Is it ever "congruent"? Nietzsche long since desecrated the notion of clear communication, these processes transmogrify out the senses, out mouths, through sounds assigned words, into ears or eyes or noses or skin (or...), and into other senses. The congruence in this feels like a molar sense of reciprocation—that is, you can view communication very symmetrically at a holistic level (e.g. "Speaking English, saying hello, following a certain manner generally") but upon tuning the dial finer and finer you find many idiosyncracies that calve symmetry into fragmentated, incongruable difference.]
D<->C::[Stunning, fucking stunning. Sometimes I can't even form a coherent thought. Her words pass through a body that orients itself around everything it passes, but its Her in particular which ends up carving a space out on the body. I accept it, it passes through me with little blockage, and other coordinates begin to align. This can be grooming, this can be manipulative, but its surely a maddening mirror that reflects outo the backside as well as the front. It leaves as it comes back again, an oscillation, a loop.]
Z::["How could movements of deterritorialization and processes of reterritorialization not be relative, always connected, caught up in one another? The orchid deterritorializes by forming an image, a tracing of a wasp; but the wasp reterritorializes on that image. The wasp is nevertheless deterritorialized, becoming a piece in the orchid's reproductive apparatus. But it reterritorializes the orchid by transporting its pollen. Wasp and orchid, as heterogeneous elements, form a rhizome." ATP10:1]
Affirm (◕ᴗ◕✿)
D::[Symmetry. Congruent parts can be [rotated/reflected/translated::repositioned and reoriented] to be symmetrical. Symmetry can imply a whole that is split into congruent parts. Symmetry also denotes a transformation, a reflection. Symmetry from the perspective of the individual parts in the symmetrical object mark reflections onto each other, and those boundaries denote a rather curious barrier: a subject::object line.]
D<->C::[I'm trying to force subjects and objects into geometric symmetry, though: I think there's something here, but I'm marking a dead end. Scrap this, move on.]
Affirm (◕ᴗ◕✿)
D::[What are the material::social implications of these permutations? This seemingly varies across people, though mommy trained us well to be used to certain Universal Modes (the way of the write-locked normie). Of contemporary importance are those used to meatspace and those used to the wires, the flesh molds in different ways. Capital's deterritorialization of the socius leaves those under its existence disfigured and malleable, open for injections of whatever concoctions find themselves inside. We're instilled manners::tendencies::habits and then intermingle with bodies across different strata—others]
D<->C::[I can focus on the things that keep bodies similar, the coordinates that even mark certain material processes as communication to begin with, but these similarities are only related with respect to the paradoxical gaps that bring me from Here to There.]
C::[FUCK DUDE. I'm hovering around the plane of immanence, you stick your head too far into(outo?) the subject-objects and part-wholes and before-after-loops and find yourself in a fuzz that definitely doesn't help me with getting better at talking to people but probably places me somewhere around buddhist enlightenment that reminds me I need to stop thinking about this shit because it's not the point. This is noisy, I'm going to write more about it (lol), but certainly not here. I'm frustrated. I can be traced with all these spatio-temporal phenomena, these deltas, the differences, whatever and still find myself struggling to talk when the time comes. I'm very frustrated. It's worth affirming all of this, I really do just need to touch grass and socialize. I was told that I could be swept up under someone else's grandstanding meanings for reality if I drew too close to this schizo demon attractor field and I don't think that's right, and I think that's exactly right: I'm way too far beyond trying to be reconciled into some bullshit that pretends to make a greater meaning of it all (it's literally not the point); I know that if I attach to someone who makes me feel understood, who understands and cares about me, I'm giving them a loaded shotgun that could blow up into my face at any moment. Trust is hard to come by.]